Don't Compare

yiwei

When I was getting married, I was a PhD student at the time. My mom pulled me aside on my wedding day and said "John I want to give you some advice". I was like oh she's going to like tell me to listen to my wife or whatever. But she didn't. She said only two words that have stuck with me for a long time. She said "Don't Compare". That's all. And then she was like okay you can go back to do whatever you're doing. At the time this was very hard for me to process because I was in a university which is all about comparing people based on like what their exam score was. It turns out that out there in the world, there are no exams that everybody takes that are standardized anymore. All that matter is what you go and get done on your own particular path. So, comparing yourselves to other people becomes meaningless rapidly as what really matter is what you could do yourself, like what you're capable of and what you bother to do and how you choose to spend your time. It took years of this two-word phrase "don't compare" to marinate inside of me and for me to realize that my self-worth really has nothing to do with what other people can do or whether I can do it better than them or worse than them. It has everything to do with what I've done and what I'm gonna do next and how I spend my time and better myself. I should just focus on improving myself and forget about what everybody else is doing. (John Denero)

It is something that took me a long time in life to understand not to compare. And there's a trap too that we do. We compare for example how big our house is to that one friend and how much money we make to another friend, and the kind of clothes we have to this friend and how smart we are to that friend. We pick and choose these things and that's first of all, even doing that individually is meaningless right? But it's also a trap and this is the problem with social media, you see these sore of curated worlds of other people and it's a trap. One of the great things of getting older is you will get there, I promise, you will realize it's a trap and comparing means absolutely nothing. It really is a very internal thing of what are you doing, who do you want to be, how do you want to go through this world, how do you want to treat other people. At the end of the day, that, and almost nothing else, is going to matter. And you got to just trust that it's going to be there. (Hany Faird)

在 CS61A 2020 Fall 的结尾，John 和 Hany 导师共同分享了他们对于 Life 的感悟，John在最后提到了他的母亲在他结婚前告诉他 Don't Compare 。

这段话希望可以为大家带来一些感悟。

Sofiya_

yiwei We compare for example how big our house is to that one friend and how much money we make to another friend, and the kind of clothes we have to this friend and how smart we are to that friend.

不要陷入“比较”的陷阱里
前言
我想，许多人都会有这样的思考想着如何与自己相处，如何去和世界相处。应是这人生在许许多多那么一瞬都会有过的想法，我会怎样过着一生等等等问题。
诚然，John对于此的感悟是深表认同。尼采的名言应是有许多人知道，如：每一个不曾起舞的日子，都是对生命的辜负。一个人知道自己为什么而活，就可以忍受任何一种生活。这些都成为了标语化下的说辞，都成为浮于表面的一种推辞。个人认为其中的问题就是我们到底如何和自我和解，找到自己到底是在烦恼什么？
我心中的竞争为何物？
身边的人可能会让你陷入不断竞争_这些都会在一定程度上影响着你，而你身处其中无法察觉。如同来自亲人的价值体系，父母之间的冲突，自己的“不成熟”等等。我们都是参与在社会中的一份子，我们讨厌着“无意义”，希望我们能做自己“喜欢”而又有“意义”的事情。中小学都是在用着排名。大学是用着各种奖项，GPA.....然后又是被每一个不曾起舞的日子，都是对生命的辜负等等等。被许多的单一价值观所绑架，我既是受害者也是虐待者。这就是我心中的竞争，如同这杂乱无章一般。
思考
喝茶，首先要把茶叶冲洗一遍，然后用网格让茶叶于水分隔起来，然后用温度适合的水，冲水下去茶香四溢。
如同把书读破，把其中的味道，香气都过自己的思考。这一切的开端是要有自我的思考，才是最难的。去抓住生活中的一个又一个节点。用着你自身所思所想去把这个东西去描述出来，那么恭喜你，你正在思考。这是一件好事，keep it。去用不同的视角去世界把。试着去直面生活，我知道这很难，也因此你也可以看到别样风景。加油，共勉！！！

0x0001

Sofiya_ 这一切的开端是要有自我的思考，才是最难的。

是的，我也一直觉得，最关键在于自己从内而外的思考和探索的持续积累，这些才是自己的，对于世界而言也在人类世界中增添了属于自己的一个视角。

也如苏轼所描述的：“且夫天地之间，物各有主。苟非吾之所有，虽一毫而莫取”，拥有资源的前提还是自己的认知要能够匹配上，强行去夺取一个不匹配自己当下心境的东西，其实很快就会消失（与学习而言就是“记不住”、“用不起来”等等）。

外界的某个参考系只是一个单一的维度，而不能定义一个人的全部，就不必把自己的意义附着于其上，为“我是否超过谁谁”过于纠结；也不必因为自己在某个参考系下不如别人就认为“我好菜啊”，然后否定了自己的存在价值。

保持一个积累状态，放长远来看，即使是从竞争的视角来看，收获都已经非常地可观；或者说，本来就不必为抢夺资源而争，和你的同道中人之间也许还可以是一种 合作共赢 的关系，竞争就回归于一种“更高更快更强”的本源，让彼此都在所在的领域中变得更好。

一起加油！